I was a timid child and sensitive to the noise and commotion produced in our large household populated by my parents and six siblings. There was always the constant racket of doors slamming, siblings arguing and my baby brother squalling. Consequently, I sought safety from the chaos and cacophony in one of two places; behind the couch or sitting on Dad’s lap.

Assurance

Even though Dad was the authoritative figure in our home who meted out consequences for misbehavior, I found his lap more comforting than sitting alone behind the couch. 

In Dad’s arms, I felt protected from all my unnamed, yet seemingly real fears that made my stomach nauseous. But, without hesitation or doubt, fear or reservation, I’d climb up onto my father’s lap with confidence and boldness. 

Dad never turned me away, brushed me aside or ignored my need for comfort. He always welcomed me with a smile and open arms. Sitting on his lap, encased in his love, his veracity gave me assurance and courage.

Consequently, when he ended his life, the comfort I’d once received from him ended. The confidence and courage I’d found while sitting on his lap, dissipated as well. Those nameless, yet seemingly real fears Dad had helped me keep at bay, now threatened to smother me. 

It was with false courage, true ignorance, fear based thinking and pseudo bravado that I moved forward in life after his death.  

I only knew two things for certain. First, I’d only trust myself and secondly, I’d carve out my own happy life.

Consequently, I kept my fears, insecurities, and doubts hidden deep within myself, unseen by others. I put up a successful ruse with friends, family and co-workers. They were convinced that I was confident, self assured, reliant and independent. 

But I could not fool myself. Inside, I battled daily with anxiety, fear and worry. 

One day when I was weary, worn down and fatigued with maintaining my false bravado, I read a verse from the Bible that made things plain as day; in and of myself, I am weak. My strength, boldness, courage, and stability come from God alone. 

Just as I used to approach my father without fear of rejection, now I approach God. Just like my father, God will never brush me aside, or ignore my need for comfort. I am welcomed with open arms. God’s veracity is what gives me assurance, courage and confidence.

Why bother with confidence? None of us are exempt from the need for confidence. But going to the true source of confidence assures us that we will never lack it.