Release

Forgiveness is complex. It is a personal journey that we take toward healing our emotional wounds. Whether we are forgiving an abusive spouse, an absent father, a silent mother, ourselves, or hoping someone can forgive us, forgiving is a long and arduous journey for everyone involved.

In my Emotional Healing Through Forgiveness workshops, I’m often asked, what if someone won’t forgive me? 

The journey toward forgiveness for everyone begins with facing our pain. Whether we were the recipient of something that was hurtful or the perpetrator of harming another, admitting to what was done to us or what we did to another initiates our journey toward forgiveness.

Remembering the scenario and circumstances of what happened can almost feel more painful than what actually occurred. But, we never forget what was done to us or what we did to another. Consequently, if we can remember without feeling like we have to defend or justify ourselves, then we open the door to new possibilities. 

In the case of the one who knows that they harmed, hurt or offended someone, admitting that we did something wrong can make us feel ashamed. But shaming ourselves does not heal, moving past the shame does. When we accept our responsibility for what we’ve done, then we move past the crippling and constipating feelings of shame. 

Taking responsibility for what we know we did wrong leads to making amends. Making amends with the one who we’ve hurt may or may not be possible. We may be ready, willing and able to ask their forgiveness, but they may not be ready to hear and receive our words of remorse. In that case, we need to respect their decision. 

It is tough to come to the place where we’ve admitted our wrong and then take the responsibility to make amends only to be rejected. But, sometimes that happens. Not everyone starts or finishes their journey toward forgiveness at the same pace. Therefore, just because we are ready to make amends and the other person is not does not mean that we can hold it against them. Instead, we can release them.

Releasing the relationship does not mean the relationship is over. Releasing the relationship does not mean we no longer care. Releasing the relationship simply means we wait with patience, set our hope in God and stay attentive, while moving forward with our life. 

Why Bother?

Why bother releasing a relationship? Releasing a relationship is sometimes the most loving action we can take. In doing so, we acknowledge that everyone knows when it is right for them to forgive.