Remorse

When we feel remorse it can be the first step toward making a healthy choice to change. But, feeling remorse can also bog us down, hinder relationships with ourselves and others as well as hold us hostage to self-condemnation. How then, can we use our feeling of angst, remorsefulness, and contriteness to move forward with personal mental wellness?

Along with feeling remorse comes some choices. We can pretend we don’t feel it, we can feel it and use it against ourselves or we can feel it and find a way to make amends with ourselves and others.

The Past 

There was a time when I felt great remorse for the animosity I displayed toward our oldest son. As a teen, his rebelliousness and stubbornness made me feel angry and helpless. I hated what he was doing, but even more so, I hated how I reacted to what he was doing. 

My words and actions were anything but kind. I was demanding. I was condemning and I wanted him to change, immediately. 

Although my focused attention was on convincing my son of his need to change, I was surprised when my feelings of remorse surfaced and convinced me that I was actually the one in need of change. 

And so began my journey toward healing my past in order to alter my present behavior.

Kindness Motivates us to Change

My contriteness that resulted from the animosity toward my son is what propelled me to a healthier relationship with him and with myself. But, what caused me to make the choice to use my remorse to make a healthy change instead of allowing it to bog me down, cripple my relationship even more with my son or use it to condemn myself? I believe it was God’s still, small and kind voice that convinced me that I was the one in need of change.

God’s kindness, forbearance, long suffering and patience is by far the most powerful motivator for personal transformation. Unlike us, God does not demand, condemn or hurl hurtful words or actions in our direction. Instead, he waits. He waits for us to come to ask for help, wisdom and direction and then showers us with everything we need.  

Why Bother?

Why bother feeling remorse? At first, we may be taken by surprise when we feel remorse. But when used to our advantage, we find ourselves on the receiving end of God’s transforming power. 

Want to know more about my story? Read my book, A Heart’s Journey To Forgiveness found at Redemption Press and Amazon.