Why Bother Cutting Ties With Unforgiveness?

What keeps us tethered to an attitude of unforgiveness? Why is it so rewarding to maintain a stubborn stance, refusing to give in?  How can we become aware of those occasions when we don’t want to release our grip on a long held resentment?  What gives us the courage to step out and be the first to forgive, to let go, and to cut ourselves loose from our unforgiving state of mind?                              

Getting a Clue

From personal experience, I had no idea of the unforgiveness I carried. Not only was I clueless, but I was also unconscious of how this attachment to personal grievances influenced me.

Since we cannot quarantine our thoughts, my personal vendettas influenced all of the decisions I made, tainted the truth about others, and infected the ebb and flow of my life with bitterness. 

Though I had an inkling that there was something amiss, it was not easy to identify as an attitude of unforgiveness. Every time I thought of my father, my mother and my oldest son, discomfort arose on my insides. Still, connecting the dots, that all three had let  me down, and I had feelings of resentment toward them, I had no idea what to do about it. 

Though I did not think that the thoughts surrounding these  people were considered healthy thoughts, I still had no trouble justifying my point of view. 

I trusted them and they disappointed me. This proved to me that they were untrustworthy and somehow unworthy. Another concept I validated was if they had not hurt me, then my life would be much happier. Consequently, I blamed them for my unhappiness. 

It is only when we come to the conclusion that we need to change our thinking that our thinking begins to change. 

We can think differently about the same old scenario, but not without some effort on our part. Toxic thinking is never isolated to just one small thought and bitterness does not remain benign.  Instead, toxic thoughts and bitterness bleed into every part of our being making the process of changing our minds anything but easy, quick or painless. Transforming our minds requires persistence, patience and consistency. Difficult, but not impossible. 

For me, the transformation began with forgiveness. As soon as it occurred to me that my grudges were actually the heavy weight I constantly felt in my heart, I wondered two things. First, I tried to imagine what it would feel like to let my grievances go. Secondly, I considered whether or not it would be a difficult action to take. 

I did not linger or ruminate too long on either one of these ideas. I was finally tired of doing the same thing over and over again expecting something different to happen. I took the risk and released my personal vendettas. 

Did the heavens applaud? If they did, I missed hearing the clapping. Did the people with whom I’d felt offended by change? No, but I certainly did. 

Why bother cutting ties with unforgiveness? Holding onto our grievances changes nothing. Letting them go does.