Heaviness 

Recently, I’ve had the privilege of welcoming two new women to my yoga classes. Everyone has their own story as to why they choose to come to a yoga class and both these women have told me that they chose to come to my classes so they could get physically stronger, find some solace and a moment or two of rest for their minds. 

These women are both newly widowed and in the throes of grief. I can see that their grief is heavy not just on their hearts, but on their minds and bodies as well. I see the weariness in their stance. I hear the sorrow in their voices and I see the sadness on their faces.  

I don’t have to tell them my stories about my losses for them to know that I can relate to their sorrow. I only have to acknowledge that I understand what it is like to lose a loved one. And I know from personal experience that being understood is an important part of the healing process. 

Learning from Loss

There is no way to keep loss at bay and there is no way we can emotionally prepare ourselves for how we will feel when we are in the throes of our own grief. Though we intellectually know that no one is exempt from experiencing loss, we are still taken aback when it happens to us. It throws us off balance and forces us to figure out how to keep living.

Though I’ve experienced the loss of a parent by suicide and the death of a child, not all losses in life include death. There is also estrangement, alienation, and separation from family members, job and health losses.  

I can’t say that I’ve ever enjoyed going through any kind of loss, but I can say that I’ve learned from my losses. 

First of all, like the women who’ve decided to come to my yoga classes, I’ve learned that when in the throes of any kind of grief it is good to take the time we need to take care of ourselves. Whether through a yoga class, the support of a small group of friends or taking a road trip, moving outward and seeking the company of others instead of curling inward and isolating ourselves with our grief is a better choice. 

I’ve also discovered from going through my own seasons of grief that only those who’ve experienced loss know exactly what it is like to experience loss. And it is only from those who know what it is like that heartfelt words of comfort, understanding and encouragement come. 

Why Bother?

Why bother being grateful for losses? We certainly do not have to revel in our losses, but we can learn from them. And the lessons we learn from our losses can then be used to give a hand up to others in the throes of their loss.