I like keeping my life simple, uncomplicated and unencumbered. I don’t clutter my house with knick-knacks, I don’t keep ill-fitting clothes hanging in my closet, and I am selective to what I say “yes” to; what I really want to do, instead of what others think I ought to do. 

My life has not always felt this uncomplicated, but letting the heavy weight of unforgiveness drop, unlocked a whole new world of freedom for me. 

        Timing is Everything

I was a young teen of thirteen when my dad ended his life. Teen years are tumultuous times anyway, but adding the trauma of my dad’s suicide confounded the complications of those years all the more. 

Not only did Dad end his life, but my mother went AWOL. Though she went to work every day and provided for our basic needs of food, clothing and shelter, she gave no emotional guidance to either my siblings or me. We were left to ourselves to find our own way through the maze of our grief following Dad’s suicide. 

Surely a father’s suicide, and the absence of comfort from a mother warranted a conversation with someone who might answer the questions swirling around in my head-Why would Dad end his life? Why did Mom lie about his death? But my wonderings were never addressed and I was left alone with them. 

Consequently, the narrative I wrote for myself  originated from my woundedness. I believed that my parents owed me a happy life and neither of them came through for me, therefore,  they were to blame for my unhappiness. 

But blaming did not stop at unhappiness. My broken heart was loaded down with the weight of unforgiveness, resentment and bitterness. The weight I carried constrained my life and held me hostage to worry, anxiety, unease, and hard heartedness. I was a miserable young woman. 

My greatest obstacle to ending my misery was my naivete. I had no idea how to quit blaming or how to rid myself of the bitterness I could no longer ignore. But, I did know that I needed to commit to becoming emotionally well. 

Admitting the truth about how we feel, without justifying how we feel is a good place to start. Conversing honestly with someone who will listen without reproving us is another starting point. Sometimes the starting point is to sit by ourselves and imagine what we would feel like without the heavyweight of unforgiveness weighing us down. 

When I finally came to the spot where I could forgive my dad and mom for not giving me what I thought they should have given me, it took the power away from the harm I’d experienced. My narrative was no longer about how they’d hurt me. Instead, my story was altered to how I could now live free from the weight of unforgiveness. Peace made its home in my heart and my rage simmered down. 

Since then, I’ve grown into a more affable and understanding person. Just ask my husband. 

Why brother to unburden ourselves? Unforgiveness is a heavy burden to bear. Forgiveness lightens our load making new dreams possible.