To say the least, prayer is a mystery, but that does not keep me from praying every day. And though some prayers remain unanswered, I keep praying anyway.
A few days ago, as I was looking back in one of my journals, I noted a name and a date; November 2012. That was the day that I had begun praying for restoration between myself and another person. I am still praying for that restoration to occur.
When I first began requesting this particular relationship to be restored, my prayers were desperate because I was desperate. I wanted things to be different, yet I had no idea how to change anything. I pleaded and begged with God. I cried, asked why, wrote down prayers I found in the Bible, and wondered what else I could do. God seemed to say, “wait.”
And so, I wait, but while waiting, I keep on praying, but not as desperately as in the beginning. Instead, it seems that while waiting, God has taught me how to be patient and a lot less demanding. I did not count on becoming more patient, but it has come about anyway. I have to say that patience is a byproduct of my waiting as well as something of a wonder.
Another thing that has changed about me while waiting for this prayer to be answered is that my faith has grown. Someone once said that waiting does not diminish us, rather it enlarges us. I never would have understood that concept without first learning how to wait.
These eleven years have not been without doubts. At times I still wonder what I can do. What are the magic words I can speak or what would be the most convincing action to this person that will finally convince them that I love them, that I am for them and not against them?
God reminds me that I just have to keep waiting.
Waiting has had another effect in my life. It has caused me to examine my beliefs about God. Do I really believe that God is still good even though I have yet to see an answer to my prayer? Am I sure God hears me when I pray?
It is interesting to me that nothing but prayer gives me comfort and at the same time smothers my doubts about whether or not God is good or if God hears me or not. Like talking with a close friend with whom I can honestly share all that is on my heart, God listens and understands. I am certain about this.
And when I think that eleven years seems to be a long time to wait, really it is nothing in comparison to eternity, which is God’s time frame.
Why bother to keep on praying? We can stop whenever we want, but if we do, we lose out on all that we can learn by keeping on.