My father took his own life when I was thirteen. Suddenly, the one who had been the most reliable and loving person in my life was gone. Without warning, my world suddenly turned dark, upside down and chaotic. In response, my shields went up and for a long time every person I encountered was a suspect. I believed that anyone could leave me or abandon me at any time without notice, including God. 

Cautiously Hopeful

Though mistrust caused me to defend myself from any further emotional harm or hurt by anyone else, my heart still longed to place my confidence in someone. But letting down my guard seemed too big of a risk. I did not want to get hurt again, to be disappointed or even to be gullible enough to think I could rely on someone. Yet, remaining distrustful had its disadvantages too. There was the problem of loneliness, isolation, one way conversations, unresolved anger and depression. To trust again meant I might get hurt again, but to stay guard and distrustful did not ensure a pain free life either. 

In time, my heart’s desire to trust again won out. Gradually, I came to my senses, realizing that not everyone is a suspect. 

I was fortunate enough to marry a trustworthy man. Even though I was cautious, at the beginning, with my love for him, he was fully committed to loving me from the start. He was also patient enough to wait for me to believe in his good intentions and when I finally did, life for the both of us only got better. 

In a way, my husband’s love for me showed me that God was also trustworthy. Even though in the beginning, my love for God was cautious, God is fully committed to loving me. He too is patient enough to wait for me to believe in his goodness and when I do, my life only gets better. 

When someone we love hurts us, we don’t have to throw out the rest of humanity, nor do we have to slam the door shut between ourselves and God. But trusting others as well as God, does mean that we will have to take risks, become courageous enough to move toward relationships and remain patient. Trusting once again is never easy, instantaneous, or without discomfort. 

Why bother taking a chance at trusting again? We were created for relationships and relationships entail trust. When we do, life only gets better.