Last night was another Macek Maverick phone call. My sister who initiated these weekly, now biweekly calls, told us that the fourth anniversary of these family phone calls is coming up. Four years have gone by since the inception of these phone connections and I almost missed out on participating in these rich, interpersonal calls.

Afraid

Nearly four years ago, when my middle born sister first sent out the invitation by way of email to participate in what she dubbed the Macek Maverick Calls, I deleted her email. I had good reasons to reject her invitation.

First of all, I had a history with my grown siblings and it wasn’t a good one. Whenever family issues arose, such as caring for our elderly mother, and someone initiated a family call to discuss possible solutions, all mayhem broke loose. The chaos, disorder and havoc that occurred during these phone calls only reminded me of the chaos, disorder and havoc I felt growing up as the sixth of seven kids. 

Besides, my birth order still seemed to count against me. I was still the second to the youngest and in the eyes of my siblings, it seemed I’d always be Little Terese. Though I’d outgrown this enduring term, my older siblings hadn’t gotten the memo; I’d grown into a woman. Consequently, discussing different scenarios for Mom’s care excluded my opinion because I was still nearly the youngest. 

As a kid, I had no choice but to live in the household in which I was born. But as an adult, I now had a choice. I could choose to participate in what felt like chaos to me or to not participate in what felt like chaos to me. And I chose not to accept the invitation. 

Then, with a little help, I changed my mind. 

Every family has a peacemaker and most everyone is drawn to them. Peacemakers are not pushy, but gentle. They listen, but also speak the truth. They have the ability to not only see both sides of a situation, but they also understand both. 

Curiosity led me to converse with the peacemaker in my family. Her gentle spirit caused me to pause and examine my decision to reject, instead of accepting the invitation to these calls. I wanted to converse with my siblings, to gain insights into their lives, and hear from them their perspective of Mom and Dad. But I was afraid to feel all that chaos once again. The peacemaker assured me that the calls were quite orderly and everyone took a turn to talk.

A few weeks later, I dialed into my first Macek Maverick call and everyone, including me, was glad I’d joined. 

Over the course of our calls, we have covered topics such as our dad’s suicide, mom’s denial, and our own journeys through grief. Not only that, but since getting to know my siblings better, I sense a deeper appreciation for them and they for me. It seems as though it no longer matters that I am nearly the youngest, because we’ve all had some growing up and some growing together to do.  

Why bother to accept? Accepting an invitation to a relationship has a way of growing and expanding everyone who says, “yes.”