A Mother’s Influence

We are better adults when we can recall the influence of our mothers with a little appreciation, less criticism, and without idealism.

Each of my siblings and I were born from the same mother, but of course, each of us experienced a different sort of mother child relationship with her. As unique as we are as individuals, so was our relationship with Mom and so is our perspective of her. 

I preferred my father to my mother. His personality was easier for me to be around. His voice was more gentle, he was more affectionate and he was a better listener than Mom. 

When he died, I was thirteen and had high hopes that Mom and I could bond. After all, she was now the only parent I had. 

But, instead, like the same poles of magnets, we repelled each other rather than attracted. 

I remember the summer between my sophomore and junior year in high school. I met Mom for coffee because I wanted to have an adult-like conversation with her. 

I was working full-time as a nurse’s aid in a nursing home. I wanted to tell her that I liked working and making money. It felt far more productive than going to school. I hated high school and wanted to drop out to work full-time. I remember how much I actually said, but I remember what she said, “No way.” Then she got up and left. 

That was the first and the last time I spoke candidly to Mom about myself.

  In spite of what seemed like a mother-daughter relationship that lacked what I’d wanted; emotional connectedness, the older I get, the more I appreciate the practical things she taught me; how to drive, sort laundry and to get things done. 

By the time I’d married and had my own children, I gave up expecting anything more from our relationship than what we had; the civility and respectfulness between us. 

Why Bother?

Why bother remembering a mother’s influence? Even if we’d hoped for something different from how our moms influenced our lives, accepting what she gave is accepting who she was. And accepting who she was helps us accept who others are.

P.S.  I wrote the story of my journey to forgiveness for those who need clarity when it comes to understanding forgiveness. You can find A Heart’s Journey To Forgiveness at Redemption Press and Amazon.