Letting Our Parents off the Hook

By the time I was born, my parents had already been parenting my five older siblings ranging in age from 1½ to 10.  

They had a mortgage, lived solely on Dad’s income and would still have one more child.

By the time I was born, Dad had already fought in a war and Mom’s career was in her review mirror.  

By the time I came along, my parents were already in their mid-thirties. They’d already lived a lot of their lives without me. I’d hear the stories of their lives, but I never experienced that part of their lives. 

As one of their offspring, I can say that I knew about my parents more than I knew them. 

I knew Dad was the youngest of three sons. But, I had no idea what it was like for him to have two older brothers. Did they get along with each other? 

I knew my grandpa worked for the railroad, but I have no idea what their relationship was like. Grandpa died, I think, the same year I was born. 

Grandma lived long enough that I witnessed how Dad treated her; with great respect and gentleness. 

Mom was the oldest of four. Neither of her parents displayed any affection for each other in public. I know Grandpa provided well for his family, but I’m left to wonder if Mom ever felt loved by her father. 

Can we say as sons or daughters of our parents that we can really know them?  

It is pretty much inevitable that we’ll feel offended by our parents before they die. But I think, from a parent’s point of view, that whatever they say or do that offends us is not intentional. I think the reason that we, the offspring, get offended is because we perhaps have great expectations of our parents. We think they should be omniscient, omnipresent, and nearly as perfect as God. When we discover they are just as human as we are, then perhaps, we can let them off the hook for not being what we’d hoped they’d be.    

Why Bother?

Why bother letting our parents off the hook? We are better adults if we don’t blame them for how we turned out as adults. After all, they most likely parented us in the best way they knew how at that particular time in their lives. Holding them responsible for not being the parents we’d hoped they’d be for us only keeps us from being the best adults we can be. 

P.S.  I wrote the story of my journey to forgiveness for those who need clarity when it comes to understanding forgiveness. You can find A Heart’s Journey To Forgiveness at Redemption Press and Amazon.