Reconciling With Yourself First

When I get a question from a reader, it tells me two things. First it tells me that there is someone out there reading my blog. Yeah!

Secondly it tells me that my writing is causing my reader to respond in some way in which case is another yeah. 

In response to my blog post, Why Bother Establishing a Mindset of Forgiveness Part 2, a reader posted this question: “Yes, but how does one reconcile the action that hurt in the first place when you choose not to tell them how they hurt me?”

As much as we’d like to reconcile the action that hurt us in the first place, sometimes it is impossible and sometimes it is not. 

Our relationships with others vary. Those with whom we are closest too are more than likely the ones most interested in reuniting with us when they know they’ve offended us. 

The people with whom we can talk things out may include our spouse, a friend, a sibling, an adult child or coworker. Those closest to us who have an investment in the relationship will more than likely allow our hurt to be heard and have the desire to restore harmony to the relationship. 

Then there will be those who may think otherwise. There are people who may say or do something that personally offends us, but when we approach them about the offense, they may think we are too sensitive and should just “brush” it off. 

When the other person is not interested in repairing the damage you believe they have done, but you want the damage to be acknowledged and repaired, it’s like two mountain goats locking horns. It turns into an emotional battle and usually ends badly. 

Knowing whether the other person has a vested interest in the relationship or not can be helpful in whether or not you broach the topic of your hurt with them or reconcile it with yourself.   

To reconcile it with yourself means acknowledging the hurt, owning it as yours, accepting that the other person will not likely see it your way and finally not holding a grudge  against them. 

When reconciling with ourselves, we can remember that our hurts are our hurts and they can usually tell us something about ourselves. When we take the time to consider why we are hurt by someone’s words or actions then we can begin to uncover some of those expectations we carry around. 

When we are hurt or offended by someone, it is usually because they did not meet our expectations. Taking a look at what we expected and why we expected that from them is a good place to begin coming to terms with ourselves and accepting others on their terms. 

Why Bother?

Why bother reconciling with yourself first? To reconcile means to make the best of, to not make an issue of, to resolve and to bring to terms. When we practice reconciling with ourselves we’ll be ready when an opportunity arises to reconcile with another.

P.S.  I wrote the story of my journey to forgiveness for those who need clarity when it comes to understanding forgiveness. You can find A Heart’s Journey To Forgiveness at Redemption Press and Amazon.