Reputation as a Forgiver

I’ve got a reputation. Among my family members, I’m known for my delicious chocolate chip cookies and cinnamon rolls. With my closest friends, siblings and spouse, I’m known for telling the truth, even if they didn’t ask for it. Finally, those who attend my yoga classes know for certain that they will leave one of my classes feeling better than when they arrived.

But, what I’d actually like to be known for is that I’m a forgiver. It is possible to become known as a forgiver and to start with I know that a forgiver starts by forgiving 

Forgiving takes a few skills and trust and courage are at the top of the list.

We have trust that our story matters and whatever happened to us affected us in more ways than we may ever understand. Becoming known as forgivers we’ll first have to follow the thread of truth that is woven into our story and then have the courage to take a good long look at it.

Another skill a forgiver practices involves dropping the charges we have against our offender. Dropping the charges means we start to think differently about our wound and the person who inflicted the emotional wound. 

We don’t deny the wounding, but neither do we ruminate on how we wish we could make the person hurt like we hurt, wish the wounding never happened or wish we didn’t have to feel the way we do. Wishful thinking changes nothing but thoughtful consideration does.

Instead of perseverating on our offender and the offense, a forgiver considers what they can do to make themselves a healthier person and then pursues that line of thinking by taking action. 

For instance, after forgiving my father, I became interested in training and competing in triathlons. I realized that holding onto grudges, resentment and feeling anger toward my dad had sucked energy out of me. Forgiving my dad gave me back my energy for living. 

Finally, a forgiver practices aligning themselves with their values. Before forgiving my father I felt incongruent with my thinking. Honesty is one of my values and as long as I denied the truth of how much it hurt me when my father ended his life by suicide, I was not aligned with my values. As painful as it was to admit how my father hurt me, acknowledging the truth realigned me with my values.

Building a reputation as a forgiver takes time and some skill, but it is possible for all of us.

Why Bother

Why bother building a reputation as a forgiver? We all have reputations. Choosing to build a reputation as a forgiver, is a worthy cause.

P.S.  I wrote the story of my journey to forgiveness for those who need clarity when it comes to understanding forgiveness. You can find A Heart’s Journey To Forgiveness at Redemption Press and Amazon.