Discomfort

Discomfort is discomforting. Whether our ache, pain, difficulty or tribulation is physically or emotionally felt, we want relief. In our discomfort we long for comfort. But, to find that consolation, we may have to unlearn what we’ve previously learned about discomfort. 

My mother was the one who taught me how to deal with the pain that comes in the wake of a loved one’s death. I couldn’t help but notice. She was the only parent I had after my father’s suicide. 

For the four years that followed Dad’s death, I lived under her roof until I finally turned eighteen and left home. But, those four years were my education in how to deal with grief; you don’t.

Mom was a survivor and as tough as it was for her as a widow to finish raising the last three of her seven dependents, she did it. She bought a house, got a job and moved on with life. 

But, watching her left an impression on me. By the time I left home I’d learned that grief, like an enemy, was something to fight against. If one wanted to go on with living, one could not succumb, pay heed to, or acknowledge pain. If you did, you were doomed.

In essence, Mom had taught me how to survive, but not how to grieve. Learning to pay attention to the discomfort that grief causes in one’s life came later in life, but I am grateful, for my sake, that the learning finally took place.

Lessons Learned

After leaving home, I too learned how to survive. I got a job, rented an apartment, and went to college. Like I learned from my mother, I got up every day and did what had to be done regardless of how I may have felt. But, none of this took care of my internal discord until I could no longer ignore what I’d been trying to ignore; the pain that accompanies someone’s death. 

The new lesson I learned was quite by accident; I’d come face to face with my insufficient resources and came face to face with Jesus. With a new little mustard seed of faith, I chose to learn, to trust and live differently than how I’d been living. 

Since then, it’s been radical because I’ve learned that paying attention to my discomfort actually brings me comfort. When I acknowledged to God, who loves and cares for me, the pain I carried around from my father’s suicide, I instantly received peace beyond my comprehension. It is quite an uncanny experience to know that God understands my pain and to know that I could trust him to show me how to grieve. Though contrary to everything my mother taught, I know it is true. 

Why Bother?

Why bother learning from our discomfort? When we have Someone who is committed to showing us how to live and not just how to survive, learning from our discomfort is comforting. 

You can read the whole story of my journey to forgiveness in my book, A Heart’s Journey To Forgiveness found at Redemption Press and Amazon. Also, please accept my invitation to attend the next Emotional Healing Through Forgiveness© workshop on Saturday, April 26, from 4-7 p.m. at the YMCA click on link and scroll down to Events. https://tereseluikens.com/workshop/