Knowing Your Style

I’ve chosen communication as the theme for my October blog posts.

Communicating is key. If the information we’re trying to pass on isn’t understood, there is a communication gap. What we want to say, to whom we want to say it, and how we say it are important pieces of connecting with others.

Communication styles vary. According to some theorists, there are four styles: passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive.  

Passive communicators avoid conflict. They are peacekeepers. Those driven by anger and judgment are aggressive. Passive-aggressive describes indirect communicators who don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say. Those who are assertive express their thoughts clearly, honestly, and confidently. 

These descriptions are general, covering habits, reactions, and tendencies. Knowing the common styles of communication gives us knowledge. This knowledge gives us understanding. Understanding gives us insight into ourselves, as well as others we want to connect with.  

What happens when a passive communicator marries an aggressive one? Do you get two passive-aggressive communicators?

Thankfully, that is not what happened with my husband and me. Early in our marriage, we realized the differences in our communication styles. Changing each other was not a viable option. Neither was staying the same. Growing in our knowledge and understanding of each other was the route we chose. 

Knowing our communication styles is not meant to bind us to it religiously. Rather, when we know our tendencies, we can adjust to something better suited to a connection with other people. 

Though we sometimes slip back into our habits of being passive and aggressive, my husband and I experience more assertive communication. We are learning to express our thoughts more clearly, honestly, and confidently. 

Why Bother?

Why bother knowing your style? Knowing your communication style can prevent misunderstandings and heated arguments while building strong bonds.