What Lies Beneath?

What Lies Beneath with Michele Pfeiffer and Harrison Ford is one of my all time favorite movies. Claire, played by Michele Pfeiffer, is determined to figure out what her husband refuses to reveal to her; the truth. Norman, Claire’s husband played by Harrison Ford, works very hard to keep Claire from finding out the truth. As Claire decides to follow her instincts along with the craziest of clues, the truth reveals itself.

This movie reminds me of myself when years ago, I began investigating what lay beneath my anger. 

We all experience anger, but my anger was disproportionate and always present to some degree or another. 

All too often I blamed my anger on another’s stupidity, their inconsideration or my lack of sleep. But, as long as I justified my outbursts, nothing changed.

What made me want to investigate what lay beneath my anger? Like Claire in the movie, I heard noises. These dissonance noises came from inside my heart. My heart knew that my anger distracted me from feeling what I really felt; hurt. 

I had to ask myself, “Why is it so hard to admit to my feverish, flaming and flared up feelings?” I decided to try, like the character Claire in the movie, to pay attention to the clues. Perhaps in doing so, I might be able to clean out erroneous thinking and replace it with truthful thinking. 

It’s never easy to look at what lies beneath our anger. It can be scary, ugly, and dangerous. But, as I connected the dots between my anger and hurt, I began to see the picture.

I saw that my anger had a way of warding off the hurt, abandonment, and betrayal I felt from my father’s suicide and my mom’s silence. It was much easier for me to feel anger. That made me feel powerful. Feeling my woundedness made me feel vulnerable.  

In order to heal, I had to let down my long held defense of anger.

Why Bother?

Why bother knowing what lies beneath our anger? It is worth knowing what lies beneath our anger because under the anger, lies the truth.

P.S.  I wrote the story of my journey to forgiveness for those who, like me, know they need to change, but are not quite sure where to start. You can find A Heart’s Journey To Forgiveness at Redemption Press and Amazon.