Thoughts About Our Offender

Time alone does not heal all wounds. But time spent understanding our wounds does help us to heal. Considering what our thoughts are toward our offender is time well spent in our healing process.

When we apply forgiveness to our offender it does not mean we invite them to become our new best friends. But neither does it mean we will continue to ruminate on the harm that was done to us, rehearse what we’d like to say to them if we ever got the chance or wished we could inflict the same amount of pain upon them as we feel because of the harm they did to us.  

Forgiving our offender actually helps us to reclaim the energy we use to nurse our wounds and instead, apply that same vitality and vigor to thinking differently about ourselves and the one who offended us.  

Forgiving our offender means we understand that it is not up to us to make sure they get what we think they deserve. It is not up to us to pass judgement or make sure they submit to some kind of punishment that pays for the harm they did to us. Retaliation and revenge are not ours to carry out. Our responsibility is to us to live our lives well and be as gracious as we can be to everyone, including our offender. 

Dr. Caroline Leaf in her book, Switch on Your Brain Every Day, says this about our thinking, “What we think, say and do has the power to affect the lives of people everywhere.” 

Even if our offender is no longer alive or in our life, forgiving them or not forgiving them will affect our thoughts and our thoughts will affect us and all our other relationships. Forgiveness will bring us peace. Unforgiveness will keep us in a mental state of turmoil. 

Why Bother?

Why bother considering our thoughts about our offender? Ruminating on the harm that was done to us, rehearsing what we’d like to say to them if we ever got the chance or wishing we could inflict the same amount of pain upon them as we feel because of  what they did to us only generates more distress and suffering. Forgiveness will bring us to peace. 

P.S.  I wrote the story of my journey to forgiveness for those who need clarity when it comes to understanding forgiveness. You can find A Heart’s Journey To Forgiveness at Redemption Press and Amazon.