A Natural Response

As much as I wanted forgiveness to impact the lives of others, I first had to allow forgiveness to impact and embody me. After that, forgiveness became more of a natural thought process in how I respond to others. I don’t have to force the idea of forgiveness onto anyone, nor do I have to think too hard and long on the idea of forgiving someone. Just living it, I’ve learned, there is a natural impact.

I liken the idea of forcing forgiveness onto others as being one of those people who quits smoking and touts the idea of being a non-smoker to everyone they know who smokes.

  I took up the habit of smoking as a young teen because I associated it with pleasant memories of my dad who was no longer around.  

Dad smoked Salem Slim cigarettes. I’d sit on his lap after dinner on summer evenings because I was too young to help with after dinner kitchen cleanup. I’d follow Dad out to the front porch swing where he’d sit back, relax and light up. 

I remember how his thick fingers held the skinny cigarette. Like a thin twig, I thought for sure he’d snap it in two. He’d blow smoke rings for me and ask if I knew how a match burned twice. The smell of his cigarette, the comfort of his lap and spending time alone with him were my most pleasant memories.

I bought my first pack of cigarettes from a machine at a gas station. I plugged my three quarters into the apparatus while the attendant was busy filling someone’s gas tank. I swooped that pack up and walked across the street to a park. 

Now instead of sitting on my dad’s lap while he smoked, it became routine for me to sit in the park, smoke my own cigarettes while thinking of him.  

That first pack lasted me nearly a month. But, the older I got, the more I smoked; nearly a pack a day before I quit for reasons of vanity. 

By the time I quit, my husband and I agreed to start a family. I did not want to look like other pregnant women I’d seen, their bellies protruding and smoking. So, I quit. Though it was a tough habit to break, I knew it was good for me and the baby. 

As a non-smoker, I’d give smokers a most ungracious look of disdain. My snobbishness did not give them any reason to quit. But living as a non-smoker naturally causes smokers to pause and consider their lack of health.

I’ve found the same to be true of being a forgiver. Giving someone a look of disdain when I’ve been offended by their words or deeds does nothing to encourage forgiveness in me or in them. But, when I choose to let go of the ‘shoulds’ I assign to others; they should have been kinder, they should have considered how I felt, they should have known that would hurt me, then forgiveness can become a more natural way of thinking. 

Why Bother?

Why bother allowing forgiveness to become a natural response? I don’t have to force the idea of forgiveness onto anyone. Just by living it, there is a natural impact.

P.S.  I wrote the story of my journey to forgiveness for those who need clarity when it comes to understanding forgiveness. You can find A Heart’s Journey To Forgiveness at Redemption Press and Amazon.