A good surprise is an event we did not plan and did not necessarily expect, but could have been hoping for. Such an occasion can generate any range of emotions such as; astonishment, joy, or happiness. Recently, a birthday card’s message from my oldest sister produced a pleasant surprise along with a dose of delight.

Just a Little Sister

Looking back on my childhood, the memories I have of my oldest sister are foggy, vague and a bit blurred. She is seven years older than I am, so she turned into a teenager while I was still enjoying the innocence of being a youngster. 

I do remember a time when Mom and Dad left her in charge while they went out to dinner one evening. I don’t remember what led up to the event of my sister’s anger nor the chase through the house that followed, but I do remember finding refuge behind the locked bathroom door. 

Though she pounded her fists on that barricade between us, and threatened to tell Dad, I did not open that door. Instead, I opened the screenless bathroom window and crawled out onto the roof, far enough away from the sound of her voice seething with anger. When I saw Mom and Dad’s car finally pulling into the driveway, I knew I was safe.

About the time I was in junior high, she went off to college to become a nurse and at Christmas time, she brought her boyfriend home to meet the family. He soon became her husband. She was the first of my siblings to marry and I remember the excitement of being included in her wedding, along with my other sisters, as one of the bridesmaids.

I never corresponded with her through the mail, but heard about her life through Mom, whom she kept in close contact with. I visited her once, by myself, while I was in high school. I was impressed with her tidy house, her job and her seemingly happy marriage. But shortly after her second child was born, she and her husband divorced. I guess she wasn’t as happy as she’d appeared to be.

Our lives intersected a few times after that; a reception in celebration of her second marriage, our families meeting up for a few vacations together and Mom’s funeral. We’ve always been on speaking terms, never estranged, but never closely connected. 

But, her birthday message this year tells me that our relationship has turned a corner, it has deepened to a new level. I’ve become more to her than “just her sister.” Instead, she’s realized that having me for a sister means much more than it ever has in the past. Now, she truly appreciates me. 

How did that happen? Not in just the twinkling of an eye, but rather over time. I did not strive, force or coerce her into appreciating me more. I did not demand that she see me as an equal, or something more than just her little sisters. Rather, I waited, stayed connected, initiated and responded as I saw opportunities to relate to her. And now, she sees me differently.

Why bother to be surprised? Relationships grow when they are tended to and sometimes the outcome of that tending turns into a pleasant surprise.