Blessed by Something New

My grandmother used to say that you are never too old to learn. Teachers I know sign off their emails with the tagline: “Lifelong learner.” 

Along these same lines, I like to think that there is always something more to things than what meets the eye. In this way, I leave myself open to discovering, exploring, and uncovering something new because there is always something more that can be brought to the surface and examined.

Recently, I submitted a new manuscript to the same publishing company that published my first book, A Heart’s Journey to Forgiveness. Four years have gone by for both the publisher and for me.

Redemption Press, the publishing company, sent me two books to help me along with the publishing process. This was something new. One of the books is a journal with writing prompts. 

Though I think I know myself pretty well, this morning’s prompt revealed something about myself I’d not noticed before. 

Here was the prompt: “Ask yourself honestly: Am I writing from a surrendered heart or a wounded one?”

Much healing has taken place in my heart since my father ended his life by suicide. I am no longer that thirteen-year-old lost, confused, and angry kid trying to find my way in the world. And yet, while editing this new manuscript, Your Journey to Grieving Well, I still sometimes feel some intense emotions. 

The good thing is that I recognize when those feelings surface and my writing changes from a soft, helpful tone to a sharp-edged, and barbed one. 

But those strong, sharp and cutting emotions still exist. Thankfully, they no longer dominate my life like they once did. 

Why Bother?

Why bother being blessed by something new? Because it means the old wound still gets to surprise me — and I still get to choose the surrendered heart over the wounded one. That choosing is the whole point. Not that the ache disappears, but that it no longer gets the last word.