The other day, I read this statement, “Some virtues are only seen in affliction.” These few words caused me to pause, ruminate and ask myself, “What virtues surface in me when I am afflicted?”  

      Surprised

Turmoil, hardships, discomforts, trouble and grief are not my idea of a good time. As a matter of fact, at all costs, I like to avoid these types of experiences. Yet, events that are beyond my control, and bring me to my knees in anguish, are the very catalysts that humble me like nothing else does. Consequently, humility is one of those virtues that arises only when I’ve been afflicted. The rest of the time, the idea of acquiescence is the farthest thought from my mind.   

One of my friends once told me that I am the most self-sufficient person she knows. This is true. I like to be independent. I resist relying on others. As a result of this mindset, when something “bad” happens, I will try with all my power, with all my might and with all my strength, to make things right again. In some ways, my self-sufficiency feeds my stubbornness. I am not one to let up, let go, or give in easily to whatever opposition I bump up against.

Though I am self-sufficient and stubborn, there have been occasions when those virtues have not served me well, as in the case of grief. Grief, I’ve learned, is not something one can fight against without growing bitter. 

Grief accompanied a great sorrow of mine, the loss of our third born child, Elliott. Elliott’s death threw me off guard. It was unexpected. For some reason or another, I thought I was exempt from ordeals such as the loss of a child. I’d delivered two healthy babies before Ellliott, so why did his delivery have to be any different than the others? But it was, and he died, and grief consumed my life. 

I remember accepting my grief, but only for a short time. I didn’t expect it to last any longer than six to eight weeks. But at the end of that period, I still had not bounced back to my cheerful, optimistic self. It was then I realized that I was not in command of my grief. Grief had something to teach me and I needed to pay attention. I finally saw the wisdom in surrendering, setting aside my expectations, and trusting in the One who is greater than me. It was a humbling moment, but just what I needed. Even though I acquiesced, healing still took longer than I thought it should. But it did come to pass and without a residue of bitterness. 

Why bother with humility? Though self sufficiency and stubbornness will see us through some events in life, there will be times when humility is the virtue that will see us through.