Understanding Resentment

If you want to read an insightful book about how our body reacts to the emotions we harbor, check out When the Body Says No, by Gabor Maté. One of the statements he makes is about resentment. He says that, “Resentment is soul suicide.”  

Resentment is a killer. It causes stress in our body affecting everything including our hormones, adrenal glands, the spleen, the thymus, lymph glands, and the digestive system.

None of us wear resentment well because it wears us down, from the inside out. 

A simple definition for the word resentment comes from Mr. Webster: “to feel the result of what we think is unjust.” Synonyms for resentment include; alienation, estrangement, aloofness, and wounded pride.

I know the feeling of resentment and I know its ability to collect and attract other emotions. Resentment justifies our grudges; the things we hold against others. Resentment makes us feel righteous about our anger, wrath and disapproval. Resentment breeds bitterness. 

If we know all of this, then why would anyone be resentful toward another? 

I’m now sure we understand resentment. I know I didn’t. I didn’t have a name for how I felt. I just knew I got angry easily. I knew I thought others should act a certain way toward me and when they didn’t, I was snarky to their face or I alienated myself from their company. Resentment showed up in other ways too. I held out for others to understand me, telepathically. I expected them to know how I felt without me having to explain it to them. And when they didn’t, well I’d turn a cold shoulder toward them.

Mylanta! It’s a wonder my husband, siblings and friends didn’t send me off to live on a deserted island by myself. 

Forgiveness is what finally broke the yoke of resentment. Resentment does a good job at distracting us from what we really need to do; forgive. Unforgiveness toward others breeds resentment. 

In my case, I’d discreetly held onto unforgiveness toward my parents for good reasons. My father had ended his life by suicide and my mother lied to me about his death. Yes, they were both guilty of an offense that affected my life for quite some time. But resentment, my feelings toward their “unjust” actions, was by far much more damaging.

Forgiving them did not change my past. But it changed everything about my present.  

Why Bother?

Why bother understanding resentment? Resentment is a killer. Understanding it helps us to know that forgiveness takes care of our grudges.

P.S.  I wrote the story of my journey to forgiveness for those who need clarity when it comes to understanding forgiveness. You can find A Heart’s Journey To Forgiveness at Redemption Press and Amazon.