Photo by Josh Hild

Why Bother to Edit Our Thinking?

As a suicide survivor, for many years, I’d adopted the line of thinking that I was a victim of my circumstances. In short, because my father had ended his life, my life was miserable. No matter how hard I worked to make everything turn out right, nothing ever turned out the way I wanted it to. The whole world was against me.

    Letting Go of the Blame

I justified my misery because, in my mind, Dad should have stuck around. After all, dads are supposed to take care of their offspring. I didn’t think my thinking was unrealistic. Dad’s should have their children’s best interest in mind and obviously, my dad did not have my best interest in mind when he ended his life. Therefore, my unhappiness was my dad’s fault. 

Blaming my dad for all that was wrong with my life began to take its toll though. The anger, resentment, bitterness, defensiveness and grudges that had made their home in my life, did  not produce any positive effects in my life. Instead, I’d constructed a mindset and a lifestyle of unforgiveness. 

It was only when I grew sick and tired of being sick and tired, that I began thinking about reconstructing my thinking. There had to be a better way for me to live, but it would have to begin with a different way of thinking. 

Facing the unhealthy mindset I’d grown accustomed to was the starting point of my journey to forgiveness. Letting go of always pinning the blame on others for my despair was like turning my back on a familiar and comfortable space in my mind. I knew what to expect from myself and others with the old mindset, but I had no idea what to expect from myself or others with a new mindset. At first, the unknown was a bit scary. But, the longer I traveled in a direction away from my accusatory thoughts and toward a non-accusatory thinking, the more hope I felt. I could alter, revise and reconstruct my thinking and ultimately, my life.  

Though I’d once thought I had no power to edit my life’s story, letting go of the blame started lots of new chapters in my life. 

Why bother to edit our thinking? We cannot alter our thinking or our lives until we admit that our thinking and our lives need altering. 

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