Staying Committed

The consummation of the legal uniting of a man and woman is the wedding ceremony.

I’ve attended some beautiful and expensive weddings, but from personal experience, I know that the formal event is no guarantee that the marriage will last. 

It’s not the dress, the venue, or the food that secures a marriage until death parts the couple. It’s the commitment to the marriage that secures a man and wife for life. 

Did I know this when I got married? Of course not. Who does? Most of us are infatuated with our spouse-to-be and filled with grandiose expectations and ideas of how the future ought to go according to our plan. 

The idea of our promise, our pledge, and commitment to the marriage is somewhere in the recesses of our mind. The thought that marriage is a legal union, a civil and religious contract is not sexy at all. But, it is a fact. 

When we made our plans to wed, not only did we have to decide where, when and who would attend, we also had to secure a marriage license. We had to show up together at a state government office, pay for the license, remember to bring it to the wedding and sign our names on the document. Not only did we have to sign, but our two witnesses and the one who performed the ceremony were signatures we had to secure as well. 

All these signatures signified and sealed the legal components of the union between my husband and me.  

Not necessarily a romantic moment, but definitely a memorable one especially after the honeymoon phase of our marriage wore off and doubts entered my mind.

Marriage was a life changing experience. There was a lot I had to get used to. I was no longer single. I could no longer just think of what I wanted.

In the past, I’d always done what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it, in the way I wanted to do it. But being married changed all of that. I was no longer working on my own. I was paired up with someone who was different from me and whose opinion was not the same as mine. 

In the third year of our marriage, the honeymoon phase was in the review mirror and I was facing the harsh, raw reality of marriage. This was hard work and I wondered, “Should I stay or should I go?”

Back in those days, the internet and AI did not exist. Instead, good advice, sound wisdom and perceptive insights came from talking with real live people who sat down with each other and conversed face to face and heart to heart. Thankfully I had a few people like that in my life.

Over coffee one day I shared my conundrum with an older wiser woman who’d been married longer than me. She listened as I laid my heart out. I was frustrated. I was worried. I was considering opting out of my marriage.

That’s when I learned that committing to the marriage, the promise, the vow, and the covenant was paramount. 

My friend expressed to me that the union with my husband was bigger than just him and me. Marriage is an institution, an organization, an alliance with a bigger purpose than I thought.

Marriage is for the welfare of more than just the couple. It is for the welfare of a family, a community and our nation. It wasn’t just about me. 

Why Bother?

Why bother staying committed? Staying committed to our marriage shows those coming up behind us that in the long run, marriage is more than we originally thought and the hard work is worth it.