Telling Our Story

Although the natural response to a death in a family is to rally around each other for comfort and support, Dad’s suicide did not bring our family together. 

My siblings and I were all at different ages and stages when Dad ended his life by suicide. The oldest siblings were twenty-three, twenty-one, and eighteen. They were either away at college, married or working full-time and living independently. The rest of us, ages, sixteen, fifteen, thirteen and ten were still living at home.  

We all experienced the trauma of Dad’s death, but none of us knew how to communicate to one another about our feelings of loss, sadness, confusion, or anger. Instead, like silos on a prairie, we remained silent and stored our sorrows away. 

From all appearances, my siblings and I survived the trauma of Dad’s suicide. We all grew up, left home, and carved out careers, married and started families. Some of us stayed in casual contact with each other, others of us lived in the same town, went to the same church and raised our kids together. But still, the subject of Dad’s suicide and how we manage to cope was not a topic that anyone brought up. 

When I began exploring my own feelings that surrounded Dad’s death, I did so by journaling, fasting, praying and taking retreats at a monastery, and not by discussing with my siblings. This healing journey of mine led to forgiving my dad, and then writing and publishing my story in a book. 

 I began writing the rough draft of my story in 2020, around the time the world went into an isolation mode to prevent the spread of a deadly virus. It was around this same time that an email arrived from one of my sisters. She invited everyone in the family to join the Macek Maverick calls, a weekly conference call with the goal to stay in touch.

At first, I did not respond positively to this invitation. Instead, I deleted it. I still had memories of growing up in a large household and how chaos seemed to reign. But, since I’d grown up and left home, I’d worked hard to establish a life of semblance and order. Consequently, I had no desire to put myself in the midst of all my six siblings on a phone call.

But when the peacemaker in my family urged me to join the family phone calls, my initial response gave way. And now I am glad I did.

Because we took turns sending out a question to be discussed on the call, I’d often ask my siblings questions to verify and validate my own story surrounding Dad’s suicide. These questions led to hearing their stories which gave me a greater glimpse into their lives. 

Hearing their stories filled in the blanks of my own. Hearing their stories was an honor giving me a greater affection for each of them.   

Why Bother? 

Why bother sharing our stories? When we share our stories with each other, we find common ground and connecting points. Together we discover that we are less like silos than we thought. 

You can read the whole story of my journey to forgiveness in my book, A Heart’s Journey To Forgiveness found at Redemption Press and Amazon.

Want to know about my Emotional Healing Through Forgiveness workshop? Click on this link Workshop.