Pain

Nobody enjoys feeling physical or emotional pain and yet, it is unavoidable. Terminal illnesses, accidents, injuries, misunderstanding, estrangements and rejection are just a few of the painful experiences we get to encounter in life. 

Over the long haul, our pain can tire us out, wear us down and make us feel defeated. Pain can also isolate us from others for various reasons. We may feel as though it takes too much energy to interact on the interpersonal level. We may feel too vulnerable to be around others, especially if we think someone might think we are a weakling, a whiner, or someone with a victim mentality. 

Even though we may want to isolate and keep our pain to ourselves, doing the opposite is actually a better choice. Sharing our pain, with someone we trust, can actually lighten our load. 

I remember the morning after a long and arduous labor and giving birth to our stillborn son, Elliott. I woke up to the smell of coffee. For a second, I thought I’d had a bad dream. Then I became more conscious of my surroundings; the hospital room, my sore body and sad heart. But there, in a chair next to my bed, sat my best friend sipping a cup of coffee.

That morning I was in the fresh stage of grief. My emotions were raw, rough, and unpolished. Yet, there sat my friend ready to serve me whatever I might need. Did I need a cup of coffee? Clean clothes? A shower or conversation? 

After a shower, I needed nothing more than to share my story of the events I’d just gone through. I needed nothing more than to tell her the unabridged version of the death of our son, the physical pain of labor and delivery and the unbelievable and unexplainable new set of circumstances in my life. I just needed to unload my heart and she let me. 

Though nothing about my circumstances changed in the time it took for me to recount the last 24 hours to my friend, there was an emotional shift that happened. I knew that no matter how long it took for me to grieve, my friend would be there for me. I knew this because I had released the full weight of my grief and she felt the weight, but it did not crush her. 

Why Bother?

Why bother sharing our pain? When we find a trustworthy friend to share our pain with, an amazing and miraculous thing happens; our load magically lightens and we know that somehow, we’ll make it.

P.S. I wrote the story of my journey to forgiveness for those who, like me, know they need to change, but are not quite sure where to start. You can find A Heart’s Journey To Forgiveness at Redemption Press and Amazon.