I appreciate the comments and insights I sometimes receive from my audience. For instance, one of my readers responded to, Why Bother to Noticing Shame. They said, “You cannot change what you do not see.” This led me to think, how do we see what we need to change?

      Never Too Old for Insights

First of all, are we ever too old to learn? According to my grandmother, we are not. I recall her image and her words, during the many seasons in my life sitting next to her on her front porch swing. Of German descent, the oldest of sixteen with a youthful and tenacious spirit well into her nineties, she’d drive her point home with me, “You are never too old to learn.”  

But I would have to add two other points to her wise advice. First of all, you have to be willing to learn. Change is hard work because old patterns die hard. These routes we take with our thoughts and actions are familiar, comfortable and require nominal energy to maintain. We know their outcome. Even if it’s catastrophic, at least we know what to expect. 

 On the other hand, making a new pathway requires commitment and grit. Striking out into new territory means we are treading on a path we’ve never tread before. There is uncertainty, discomfort, and no guarantees with the outcome. We wonder and wobble as we go along. This new path of thought and action only becomes a path as we walk it. Commitment is required while walking into the unknown. 

The second component, I believe, to seeing what we need to change, is that we have to trust at least one other person, and ourselves. 

I knew I had anger issues, but they remained buried until our oldest son turned into a rebellious teenager.  I knew that my anger toward him wreaked havoc in my family. It was my husband’s gentle and persistent words that validated what I already knew. Change was necessary. 

Though I could justify my anger toward my prodigal son, the anger I carried was old, pile of unresolved issues from my father’s suicide. 

Though I knew something needed changing, it was just a shadow. Then, with the careful and loving observation of someone I trusted, did it become clearly visible. 

Why bother seeing what needs changing? We are never too old to learn what we need to change and with a little bit of grit and a reliable friend, what needs changing will become plain as day.