Releasing Our Offender

If we think about the person who has offended us and find ourselves becoming irritable, nauseous or defensive, then this is a sure sign that we’ve given over some of our power to our offender. 

Just the thought of them can release a whole horde of toxic thinking that constructs our case against them. Our mind becomes consumed with all the details of their offense and justifying our wrath. Our energy gets sucked away as we review our resentments leaving us in a discontented state. Not only that, but the residue that is left from all of this affects our future attitude and actions. Then, the cycle starts all over again the next time we think of our offender. 

Guarding ourselves from thinking about the one we believe has offended us is a full-time and exhaustive job. It’s a little bit like keeping several corks from bobbing to the surface. The minute we take a break from keeping those thoughts about our offender at bay, the corks or toxic thoughts rise to the surface in our mind rather quickly. Not only that, but it is quite a bit of work to regain a semblance of order within our minds once those toxic thoughts are set loose.  

I speak from having experienced the contrast between unforgiveness and forgiveness. 

I had a strong case against my offender; my mom. I’d trusted her as any kid trusts their parents, but then she lied to me, refusing to give me a truthful answer about Dad’s cause of death. 

Some members of my family will say that she was just trying to protect me from the harsh reality. But from my point of view, it was a lie and from that moment on, I justified the charges I had against Mom.

The older I got, the less I liked her. Though I could tolerate her in short spurts; a phone call or a brief visit back to the home front, I liked her less and less. But not only that, the unforgiveness that I harbored against her began to infiltrate my relationships with the rest of the family, especially with my sisters. They’d talk about Mom and I’d get irritable, nauseous, or defensive. It wasn’t easy being around them and I didn’t like them much either. 

Eventually, I came to my senses, seeing the damage of unforgiveness, the fact that it has no bounds and spills out all over the place. With a little help, I forgave my mom, dropped the charges against her and released her from what I thought she owed me; the truth. 

Did forgiveness reconcile our relationship? No, but forgiveness gave me back my power to think straight and sensibly. 

Why Bother?

Why bother releasing our offender? Releasing our offender means we let go of what we think they owe us and no longer hold them responsible for giving us what they could not give us in the first place. Forgiving our offender releases us from feeling the agony of those unmet expectations.

P.S.  I wrote the story of my journey to forgiveness for those who, like me, know they need to change, but are not quite sure where to start. You can find A Heart’s Journey To Forgiveness at Redemption Press and Amazon.