Admitting Family Likenesses

In my memoir, A Heart’s Journey to Forgiveness, I make the point that my preferred parent was Dad. In comparison to Mom, I believed Dad was a lot more compassionate, tenderhearted and genuine. He was easier for me to love than Mom. Just recently though, I’ve begun to cherish those character qualities of my mother that I once despised. 

First of all, Mom was showy. She was always a sharp dresser. She never wore clothes that did not have color or a pattern on them. Her dresses had buzzed with horizontal stripes or spoke loudly with big, bold, colorful, floral designs. She loved hats, no matter if they made her look silly or fashionable. Her closet was full of shoes and purses that all matched. Whether going to work, to church or meeting friends for a drink, Mother made sure she was, “a looker.”

Even though Mom had a houseful of kids, she never neglected the shut-ins in our parish. When our Polish Grandma Rose came for a visit and made her famous shishki, a sweet dough deep fried and rolled in sugar, Mom always took plates to the elderly. 

Then there were the times that Mom held us to standards I cared less for such as dressing in a presentable manner. “You are not going out like that!” was her way of saying, “Go change your clothes,” though we felt a sting of shame. 

Mom’s unique personality influenced each of her seven offspring. Consequently, when I interact with any of my brothers or sisters, I experience a little bit of Mother.

Two of my sisters are flamboyant. Not only do they dress as, “a looker,” but they are at times, a bit theatrical and extravagant. 

One of my sisters is as consciously considerate of others as Mom was. Oftentimes she will deliver a  meal to someone or serve others in her home. 

Then, like my mother, I have standards too that I try to implement though in a more gracious manner than Mom.

Looking at the similar qualities of Mom that my sisters and I possess, used to make me cringe. Now, I realize their worth.  

Is It Ever Too Late?

Though Mom is dead and has been for quite some time, I don’t think it is ever too late to appreciate her uniqueness. As a matter of fact, maybe children are not meant to see just how special their parents really are until they are no longer walking among them. 

But, if I am just now treasuring the qualities of Mom, who then benefits? Obviously, not my mother, but perhaps me and my offspring.

First, I am more grateful now for Mom than I ever was and I don’t think it is never too late for anyone to be grateful. Gratitude is good for the heart no matter how old we are.  

Secondly, expecting my offspring to presently hold my unique personality in high regard is frankly, unrealistic. I’m still around and as long as I am around, they may find me more of an enigma than a treasure. Knowing this, I can extend empathy and understanding toward them. 

Why Bother?

Why bother realizing the value of family likenesses? Although I’ve often said that Mom set the example I did not want to follow, I can no longer deny her unique personality. When I look at my siblings, I see Mom and I am grateful.