Not Worrying

This morning, while reading through one of my fat little notebooks looking for a quote for today’s blog, I found this one; “Worry is an old man with a bent head, carrying a load of feathers he thinks is lead.” 

I don’t remember where I found this quote. I just know that it resonated with me, so I wrote it down.   

Reading it this morning, I smiled. Though worry is not completely absent from my life, it certainly is a lot less domineering than it used to be. 

As a kid, I didn’t worry too much about anything. I knew that anything I needed my parents would provide for me. I always had plenty to eat, slept in a comfortable bed every night and put clean clothes on every day. I mostly knew what to expect every day because of the everyday established routines; going to school Monday thru Friday and to church on Sunday.

But, after my father ended his life by suicide, worry made itself at home in my once semi tranquil life. 

Unbeknown to me I fueled this worry naturally with feelings of  uncertainty, trying to control outcomes, my what ifs, and living a performance based life instead of an authentic life. 

If I wasn’t worried, I’d worry. Fretting made me feel attentive, vigilant, and responsible. It also made me feel anxious, agitated, and afraid. I got so used to having a mind and body consumed by worry that I did not know how not to worry.  

Others would tell me to, “Take a chill pill,” “Relax,” or “Calm down.” But, their words only made me feel all the more anxious. My anxiety was showing and everyone seemed to notice.   

Ever had a religious experience that changed your life for the rest of your life? I did. 

In my early twenties, while contemplating ending my life as my father had, God showed up in a way that I could not dispute. I heard and saw, and then believed. With faith the size of a mustard seed, I accepted His invitation for a relationship. 

Then,  I started learning how to walk in concert with God, my heart strings in tune with His.  Becoming acquainted with Him, I began to notice that as one of his kids, I don’t have to worry too much about anything. I know that anything I need will be provided. I’ve got plenty to eat, I sleep in a comfortable bed every night and put clean clothes on every day. I mostly know what to expect because I can count on God being for me and not against me. 

When worry comes around, I don’t have to pay too much attention to it. And without giving it too much attention, it leaves. 

Why Bother?

Why bother not worrying? When we look at the load we bend our backs to and discover it is not a load of lead, then we’ll begin walking upright instead.

P.S.  I wrote the story of my journey to forgiveness for those who, like me, know they need to change, but are not quite sure where to start. You can find A Heart’s Journey To Forgiveness at Redemption Press and Amazon.