Why Bother Letting Others In?

When I was thirteen and my father took his own life, it left me not only bereaved, but also thoroughly confused. If the one I’d loved and trusted the most in my life could abruptly abandon me, who was trustworthy? I concluded that no one was trustworthy.

     Life is Not a One Person Event 

For several years, I trusted no one and lived my life in a defensive stance. Keeping my guard up was tiring work. Living this way did not lead to making close friends or developing intimate relationships. 

But then I fell in love with Luke, my husband. Gradually, my thick wall of defense began crumbling with his patient and persistent love toward me. Even after we married though, it was a few years until I trusted him enough to stay in the marriage and not flee out of fear. Now, after four decades of marriage, I have no thoughts of fleeing. 

Then there are my close friends, some who knew me before I was married, others who knew me while a newlywed and young mother. These women have supported me through the loss of an infant son as well as witnessed my struggle while raising tumultuous teenagers. They have seen me succeed in my career as a teacher, writer and public speaker and know my fears, the things that burden my heart and my apprehensions. 

Those who I count as friends, including my husband, are the ones who unabashedly question me when I may seem off kilter and affirm me when I am on the right track. They cheer me on in my personal endeavors and listen when I need to vent my frustrations, doubts and fears.  

When I’ve been wrongly accused, they assure me of who I really am. 

My friends and I have formed a reliable community of accountability. We trust each other and none of us are left to “wing” it on our own.  

We will not form a reliable community of accountability with everyone we meet. Rather those with whom we share common values and principles are the ones we will form the deepest and most lasting bonds. 

Why bother letting others in? Life is not a one person event. Letting others in has longer lasting benefits then trying to go it alone. 

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A heart's journey to forgiveness book by Terese Luikens