Delusion of Perfection

I am a recovering perfectionist. I’ve experienced and am familiar with the inner turmoil that arises when I strive toward the ideal version of me instead of being content with the real, natural, ordinary version of me. 

Perfectionism is actually a theory, one that is as old as writers and philosophers such as Aristotle, Aquinas and Marx. Consequently, this philosophy has infiltrated our culture exposing everyone to some degree of striving toward the delusion of flawlessness. 

Perhaps the most common and permeating penetration of this idea came from our parents. Though mine never used the words; perfect, flawless, or error free, the prevailing attitude while a youngster was that if I was held to a certain standard of behavior, I’d reach it come hell or high water.

 The problem was that reaching that standard did not bring satisfaction or contentment to anyone because there was always the next standard to reach. 

Growing up in and around the idea of perfectionism, the older I grew the more it  influenced my life. For instance, I strove toward attaining the “perfect” body. The perfect body was displayed by the models on the front covers of magazines. Striving toward this ideal led me to anorexic and bulimic behaviors. 

In school, the better I did, the better I was expected to do. If I got one A in one class, what kept me from getting all A’s in all my classes? I couldn’t settle for less, which resulted in feeling intense stress.

Thomas Curran, professor of psychology and a leading expert on perfectionism had this to say about perfectionism, “I was genuinely of the belief that perfectionism was the one thing that was holding me up when everything around me was collapsing. But it was actually perfectionism that was creating those problems.”

The difficulty with the idea of perfectionism is that it creates great difficulties. We fall prey to harsh self-criticism, the fear of failure, high anxiety, a cycle of self defeat, feeling guilty and ashamed of ourselves when we don’t reach the goal we set for ourselves.

In essence, we can never be content; To do so would be to give up perfection. 

What if we believed that imperfection was the norm and perfection was abnormal? What if we made friends with our limitations, frailties and flaws. What would happen? 

What happens for me is that I stop walking toward the mirage of perfection and instead make a bee line toward the facts; There really is no perfect life to be had. There is just mine to be lived as best I can. 

Why Bother?

Why bother letting go of the delusion of perfection? There is no such thing as omitting all the flaws, imperfections, or faults in ourselves or others. What can omit is the tyranny of the “shoulds” that come from striving toward the delusion of perfection.

P. S.  I wrote the story of my journey to forgiveness for those who, like me, know they need to change, but are not quite sure where to start. You can find A Heart’s Journey To Forgiveness at Redemption Press and Amazon.