Leaving Things Unsaid

Some people are as quiet as a grave, believing it’s best to keep things to themselves. Some people think words have a way of getting into places they weren’t meant to be.

These are thoughts from and about the main character, Tom, in the book, The Light Between the Oceans by M.L. Stedman. 

Although I like to talk, I agree with Tom. Sometimes it’s best to keep things to yourself. We don’t need to express every thought because not every thought is True, Helpful, Important, Necessary, or Kind.

This poster was displayed in one of my coworker’s classrooms. I don’t always remember what each letter stands for, but thinking before speaking sums it up. 

Sometimes I share a swimming lane with another woman at our health club. I’ve noticed when swimming freestyle, she works harder than she needs to. She slaps the water with her hand and curves her whole body when taking a breath. But telling someone the truth isn’t always helpful, especially when they haven’t asked.

  If she ever asks, I’ll give her some advice. But for now, like Tom, I think it’s best I keep this to myself. 

As a yoga and exercise instructor, speaking up is part of my job. People expect me to communicate clear instructions, suggest modifications, and check for understanding. This communication is important for the safety of everyone in my class. Sometimes, it is also necessary for me to ask personal questions such as, “Do you have any injuries?” or “Have you practiced yoga before?” 

Speaking kindly covers a multitude of situations. Even when I don’t agree with someone’s opinion, I can always think of a kind response such as:“That’s an interesting way to look at it.” or “It makes sense you’d feel that way.” 

I’m not agreeing or disagreeing with them. I’m just acknowledging them. 

Why Bother?

Why bother leaving things unsaid? Words can be risky. Once they’re out, we can’t take them back. Unless you know someone is ready to hear what you have to say, it’s often best left unsaid. But if it truly needs to be said, THINK first.

I’ll probably always be a talker. Still, I’m learning a thing or two from Tom, a character of few words.