How Do I Know I Need to Forgive Someone?

Ever wonder how you know whether or not you need to forgive someone? Try closing your eyes and imagine that person. Note how your body feels while thinking about them. Does your breathing or heart rate change? Do you tense up somewhere in your body? 

Imagine that same person knocking on your front door. What would you do? Would you answer the door? If you opened the door, what would you say to that person? Do you see yourself inviting them into your home and having a conversation with them? If not, why not? If so, what would you hope you’d be able to say to that person? What would you hope they would say?

Can you imagine the above scenario at all or does my suggestion seem completely unpalatable? 

Thinking about someone who has hurt us when we have not forgiven them and thinking about that same person when we have forgiven them produces two very different responses inside of us.

For example, before knowing that I needed to forgive my father, I tried not to think about him at all. Yet, whenever I tried not to think about him, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. 

Pondering about Dad only brought up a trunk load of sad memories; his suicide, Mom’s silence, and how my life was significantly altered. Ruminating on Dad reminded me of how he’d abandoned me. Brooding on his death jogged my memory of how I’d felt duped by trusting that he’d loved me. Remembering Dad reminded me of how I had to grow up without the protective love of a father. 

My unforgiveness toward my father produced feelings of ill will toward him and these feelings of ill were not isolated just toward him. That’s the thing about our emotions. We can’t compartmentalize them. If we have animosity, resentment and spitefulness toward one person, it has a way of spilling out all over the place and onto others. 

What can be said of unforgiveness can be said of forgiveness. Once I forgave my father, not only did I feel benevolence toward him, but I also felt more kindness, understanding and compassion toward others.

Why Bother?

Why bother knowing whether or not we need to forgive someone? It is good to know whether or not we need to forgive someone because when we realize we need to forgive them then our lives are altered, for the better.

P.S.  I wrote the story of my journey to forgiveness for those who, like me, know they need to change, but are not quite sure where to start. You can find A Heart’s Journey To Forgiveness at Redemption Press and Amazon.