Forgiving Dad

Kids don’t think about forgiving their Dad because as kids we think our dads are almost as great and as perfect as God. That was how I felt.

But when we grow into adults we realize that our dad’s were not as great nor as perfect as we’d thought. That’s what happened to me. 

In the process of realizing that Dad was not as great nor as perfect as God, we might also begin musing on how we turned out. In the process of our musing, we might notice that we’ve got some crazy making idiosyncrasies. That’s what I noticed. 

In noticing these crazy making idiosyncrasies we might glance back at the history of our family and notice one or two events where these crazy making idiosyncrasies may have come from. That’s what happened when I glanced back.  

At a glance, I noticed an event that could account for my crazy making idiosyncrasies. In my case, it was my father’s suicide. 

From there we may decide to take a closer look at ourselves and the tragedy or we may decide not to. I decided to take a closer look. 

In looking closer at the tragedy and my crazy making idiosyncrasies I discovered some things about myself that were not easy to admit. At that point, I almost wished that I could unsee what I saw. But as the saying goes, you cannot not unsee what you’ve seen.

Consequently, seeing what I saw; my mostly angry disposition, some stinky bitterness, and a boatload of resentment, I chose to discover what I could do to change. Change is not an easy choice to make.

Although one can get a knee or hip replaced or even a heart, liver or kidney transplant, one cannot have one’s brain replaced which is what I wanted. Imagine saying to a doctor, “Just give me a new brain please.” 

When one discovers their crazy making idiosyncrasies and the tragedy where they believe these behaviors may have originated, the work begins there. At least that is where I began my work. 

First, I settled with the idea that as much as I wished to change the tragedy, I could not. Secondly, I knew it was my responsibility to change those crazy making idiosyncrasies of mine. That became my mission.

We do not always know where our decisions will lead us. Consequently, I did not know mine would lead me to forgiving Dad, but that is where my decision led me. It wasn’t an easy two step process. It was more like a million baby steps, falling down, sitting by the wayside for a while and then getting back up again. But since forgiving Dad, well let’s just say I’ve got a few less crazy making idiosyncrasies. 

Why Bother?

Why bother forgiving Dad? Not everyone has to forgive their dad. But those of us who do, know that when we do, we’ve done what we needed to do.

P.S.  I wrote the story of my journey to forgiveness for those who, like me, know they need to forgive, but are not quite sure how to. You can find A Heart’s Journey To Forgiveness at Redemption Press and Amazon.