I’ve read that mental disorders are caused by a combination of things and not just any one component. A mental disorder involves our genetic makeup as well as our environment. 

Though mental health issues were never mentioned in my home during the years I was growing up, my father had a mental disorder which impacted everyone in our family.   

    Our Coping Patterns

Mental wellness, I believe, begins with knowing how to cope with life’s events such as earning a living, relating to others and dealing with stress in healthy ways. Having a mental disorder adds a degree of complexity to managing a normal life. 

By the time I was born, there were certain patterns already established within the household and within my family. Dad was a veteran with a college degree. He had a wife, six children and a mortgage. He went off to work everyday so as to provide for his family in the best way he could while Mom maintained the home front. 

Both Mom and Dad participated in training the children. We were to be respectful, honor God, regard our education and nurture relationships. The framework of what was important to our parents was basic and easy to understand, but at the same time, it wasn’t easy to maintain. 

Sometimes anger flared up between my parents and some of the older siblings. It was silenced, but never resolved. Other times, issues such as dad’s job losses were never addressed and we’d move to another town. Though alcohol abuse was obvious, the obvious was never talked about. 

I learned how to survive within this system by not mentioning the obvious; alcohol abuse, unresolved anger, and frequent moves. Instead, I remained quiet and disregarded the dysfunction within my family.  I learned that remaining quiet and disregarding dysfunction led to enduring, but not to mental wellness. 

Consequently, I’ve learned to evaluate those patterns I grew up with and the inclinations that accompany them in order to maintain my mental wellness.  

First of all, I know I lean heavily toward expecting the others to tell me the truth because I’ve felt the pain of lies. Consequently, when someone does lie to me, my tendency is to resent them. Instead, I need to forgive them. 

Secondly, I know how alcohol abuse damages a life and the life of others. As a result, I gravitate toward harshly judging others who do not limit their alcohol intake. But these folks don’t need my severity, they need my empathy. 

Stability is paramount for me. As a kid, I never knew quite how long we’d live in one place. With that in mind, I have to keep in mind that life is full of the unexpected. I do not have ultimate control over the circumstances, but I do have control over how I respond. 

Why bother evaluating our propensities? We’ve all grown up with a certain amount of dysfunction which leads to the development patterns and a particular mindset. Evaluating what drives our behavior leads to looking closely at what we believe. Looking at what we believe and then altering our behavior will add to our mental wellness.