Trust is a splendid thing. Trust causes us to be vulnerable in the presence of another without fearing their rejection. Knowing we can rely completely on someone makes us feel secure, at ease and peaceful. But sometimes, that trust is broken and we are blindsided. Altering our mindset to trust again may seem impossible, but it is not.
Altered State of Mind
If we were not capable of changing our minds, we would not be human. Humans are the only creation that have the capacity to re-frame, re-conceptualize, and re-engineer thoughts. Our brains are an amazing creation and possessing a free will is unique to humans. We may think one way about something and then think differently about that same idea later.
To trust and rely on others is a basic human need. But, when that trust is broken our hearts break, our defenses go up and we become guarded and defensive. Our thinking can’t help but shift after an experience of shattered trust. We may think that our best defense from ever being jolted by betrayal again is to keep ourselves from ever trusting again. Yet, the very thing that reinstates us to experiencing faith in another is the very thing we resist: trusting once again.
When my father, the one in whom I’d put my entire trust, ended his life by suicide, my belief in trusting another was obliterated. I survived the experience of my father’s suicide by trusting myself and no one else. It worked for a while until someone who loved me proposed the idea of a life-long relationship with them.
The idea of committing to a life-long relationship with another forced me to evaluate my thoughts concerning trusting again. Would this person leave me high and dry just as my father had? Would the risk be worth it?
Yet, remaining distrustful had its disadvantages. Left to myself I’d not changed. I was still the angry, resentful and wounded young girl whose father had abandoned her.
Why bother changing our mind? When hurt by another whom we’d trusted does not mean no one can be trusted. Not everyone in the world is a suspect. Consequently, it is only in and by relationships that our lives are altered. Changing our minds about trust allows others back into our lives. Relationships that alter us only occur when we risk changing the way we think about some things. Thankfully, we all have the capacity to change our minds.