Our Pain

Ever had something bad happen to you? Of course you have. We all have. No one leaves this planet alive and no one escapes emotional pain while alive on this planet. 

We’ve all experienced some kind of emotional hurt such as betrayal; someone’s disloyalty when we thought for sure we could trust them. 

We’ve all attended someone’s funeral; a parent, sibling, or even the worst kind of funeral; our own child’s. 

Then, there are those cases of abandonment; when a parent leaves their child, vanishing from our lives without any kind of a warning, without saying goodbye. 

It doesn’t matter when such things happen on the timeline of our lives. When they occur, we feel the sting of sadness and a horrendous amount of hurt. 

While in the midst of our personal and ever present agony, it is mostly impossible to imagine life beyond our pain. And yet, there are those of us who’ve gone beyond what we didn’t think we’d get through.

I remember the feelings that followed on the heels of the stillbirth of our third son. I’d never experienced the loss of a child and for quite some time, I thought blaming myself would somehow help. But blaming did not bring any healing. It only took me into the depths of depression. With two other children to raise and a marriage that I did not want to lose, I knew I needed some help and found solace in conversing with two separate women who’d also lost a child.

Those who’ve been through what we are going through know what it feels like. Neither of these women tried to soothe me with platitudes because they already knew that cliches are easy to spout, but always ring hollow in the ears of someone who is hurting. 

Instead, they told me the details of their stories; the events, the shock, the downcast feelings and the doubts. They did not mince on words nor did they shield me from the truth. Loss hurts, but not forever like we think.

These women, who’d moved past what they thought they’d never get past are the ones who could offer me some real and tangible hope. And they did.

Just recently, a woman shared her stillbirth story with me. Because I too had experienced the loss of a child, I really could relate to what she was going through and she knew I’d not be one who’d offer her hollow platitudes. 

Why Bother?

Why bother believing that our pain is not in vain? My pain is the training ground in receiving comfort and encouragement from others so that I then can comfort and encourage others when it’s my turn to do so. 

P.S.  I wrote the story of my journey to forgiveness for those who, like me, know they need to change, but are not quite sure where to start. You can find A Heart’s Journey To Forgiveness at Redemption Press and Amazon.