It’s not easy being me. But somebody has to do it! Being ourselves, growing into our skin and becoming comfortable with who we are, I believe, is a lifelong process. None of us are exactly the same as we were a year ago, and none of us will be exactly the same as we are this time next year. Living out who we are alters, expands and opens up new and different dimensions of being who we are, uniquely us.  

      My Story 

Before I wrote my book, I had some worries. What will my family think? How will they react? Will I get the story right? Do I need to ask everyone’s permission? Do I need to talk with everybody until we all agree? What if no one approves of my perspective of the events? 

When I first shared the idea of writing my book with some of my siblings their responses brought long pauses between us. Dad’s suicide was never anything we’d ever spoken at length about. Just mentioning his death to my siblings, I knew I was stirring up all kinds of emotions inside of them. Though we’d all experienced the same horrific and painful event, none of us knew each other’s stories. After all, suicide is a tender topic for those of us who have been through such a thing. 

Sharing my perspective of how our dad’s death affected me would in a way be shining the light on their experience too. Even though our lives all intersected at one tragic point, I knew I had to take great care and only tell my story and not their story. 

Then, during a Macek Maverick phone call, one of our biweekly family calls, one of my sisters piped up and asked, “Have you ever thought to ask us if we wanted our names to be mentioned in your book.” 

I could tell I’d not followed an important rule, one she was aware of, and one I was not; asking those who are in my story if I can use their names. With a little bit of fear and trembling, and while everyone was on the line I asked, “Does anyone want me to change their name?” A lively conversation followed and three of my siblings came up with alias names.

Since writing my story and since each of my siblings have read it, the topic of our dad’s suicide is no longer cloaked in silence. Instead, now, most of my siblings are much more apt to tell their story too. 

Why bother being uniquely you? Though we may have shared a family tragedy, our story is unique to us.