Becoming One

One of the misnomers I had about marriage was that I’d lose my identity. Somehow, I thought marriage would make me less me.

 I’d heard the Biblical phrase about two becoming one. But I had no idea that becoming one did not mean becoming the same.

Our life as husband and wife started out on five raw acres of land. My husband had a vision for where we’d build our house. But first, we had to clear away the buckbrush. This aromatic, prolific brush consumed our five acres. 

With axes in hand and side by side, we spent days sweating, chopping and stacking evergreen brush. Eventually, we altered the landscape, established a building site and built our first home.

Though I didn’t know it at the time, clearing away the brush and establishing our building plot was the beginning of becoming one with my husband. 

Like the land we cleared of brush in order to establish our building lot, I learned that we’d need to establish and build our marriage. 

We had some things in common. We’d both left our homes and families when we moved to Idaho. Both our moms were widows. 

Religion was in our backgrounds. Attending church on Sundays and believing in God was the norm. 

Neither of us were lazy. We knew how to work. Neither of us were big spenders. Instead we preferred the quiet country life to the busy city life. 

Both of us believed in integrity and fidelity. 

So far so good. 

But then there were our personality differences. He was more quiet and private. More methodical and thoughtful. More slow to anger. 

I’m much more messy, but orderly. Energetic and quick to say what I think.  

Thankfully, becoming one did not involve erasing who we were. But becoming one simply means being who we are and at the same time, feeling secure and settled when together. 

We’ve fashioned our marriage without losing who we are. 

Why Bother?

Why bother becoming one? Marriage, unlike any other relationship, gives us the opportunity to cherish and settle down with someone who is unlike us, but who still likes us.