Loved

A very popular theme for movies, plays, poems, and songs is the theme of love. Without having to ponder very long or very hard I can think of the play and later the movie; Romeo and Julie; Love is a Many Splendored Thing; a song by Andy Williams and Love Love Me Do, by the Beatles. 

Love is a universal longing and something that is very personal. 

In the chapter entitled, How Do We Learn to Love?, P.M. Forni in his book Choosing Civility says that keeping away from others so we don’t get hurt won’t do, but training ourselves to be good at being with others will do. 

I agree, but I think there is something more than just training ourselves to be good at being with others. Trusting is vital to loving. 

When we’ve been hurt by someone the last thing we want to do is to be hurt again by anyone. So, it makes sense for us to think that we should keep our emotional distance from everyone. But if we keep ourselves away from everyone then we lose out on ever being loved by someone. 

As a youngster, I loved my father whole heartedly and unabashedly only to be heartbroken when he ended his life by suicide when I was thirteen. 

His death made absolutely no sense to me and no one even tried to help me to make sense of it. 

I could not fathom how someone who’d said they’d loved me could leave me. To survive the confusion of my father’s abandonment, I kept away from others so I would never get hurt again.

Then, in my early twenties, someone attracted my attention. He was tall, lean, soft spoken, with a head of  blond hair, and blue eyes. He was attracted to me too. But, I was overly cautious. 

The memory of my father whom I’d loved and who’d broken my heart left me full of doubts about ever loving someone again. What if this man, Luke, who said he loved me, left me too?

In loving again, I didn’t want to be naive. When my father ended his life, I’d shamed myself into thinking that, I should have somehow prepared myself for his suicide. Now, as an adult, I didn’t want to fall for anything that I thought might not be real.

Trust is a many layered and complex concept. To trust someone to love me, I first had to trust myself. Spending time with Luke gave me a sense that he was trustworthy enough to take a chance with. We married and will be celebrating our 46th year of marriage this August.

But, trust is a many layered and complex concept. Over the years that we’ve been together, we’ve both learned that the more we trust each other, the more we allow ourselves to be loved by each other.

Why Bother?

Why bother wanting to be loved? Wanting to be loved is part of our human nature. Training ourselves to be good at being with others while trusting others is key to being loved. 

P.S. I wrote the story of my journey to forgiveness for those who need clarity when it comes to understanding forgiveness. You can find A Heart’s Journey To Forgiveness at Redemption Press and Amazon.