There are many things that preoccupy our minds and cause us to worry; finances, personal health, up and coming political elections, job security, anticipating worst case scenarios, family rifts and uncertain futures because none of us can predict what may or may not happen next. 

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When my father ended his life by suicide, I remember how I felt; afraid, anxious, scared and worried. Suddenly, I suspected that I was now more than ever, susceptible to harm and danger. It was an odd, yet real sensation. 

Dad had always been our family’s sentinel, the doorkeeper, the watch guard who guarded and stayed aware of everyone’s comings and goings. He cared about us, his offspring, and kept an eye on who was influencing us; who were our friends and where were we hanging out?   

While he was alive, nothing got past him. As a result, I felt safe, protected and assured. Dad would keep me from being harmed, being swept away by my innocence or taken advantage of.  

After his death though, the door to evil seemed to blow wide open. Fear and anxiety pervaded where peace and assurance once reigned. Yet, instead of cowering from my imagined or real fears, I over compensated. I put on an exaggerated pretense of self-confidence. My counterfeit self worked for awhile, but false fronts eventually wear us down. 

Consequently, in my early twenties, my sham wore me out and I found myself at the edge of a precipice. I was a step away from throwing in the towel, giving up, and putting an end to my life. 

I’m still amazed that God showed up in that moment of dire straits. But he did and I believed. His offer of life was a much better choice than putting an end to mine. That was the beginning of trusting and relying on God instead of continuing to trust and rely on self. 

Everybody’s faith has a starting point. We all begin with a mustard seed of faith. But as with any seed, as it is nurtured, it grows. 

Learning to trust God who is invisible, yet believable never happens all at once for anyone. Confident assurance in God does not occur by waving a magic wand. Instead, faith in God transforms our lives over time, with consistent nurturing and lots of practice. 

Early in my journey of faith, I wrote down and memorized verses from scripture that helped me change my mind about all my looming fears. And still, to this day, when I ruminate on this particular piece of scripture, Philippians 4: 6-7, it keeps and guards my mind from perseverating on uncertainty. This truth from scripture tells me to shape my worries into prayers and God’s peace will be that sentinel over my heart and mind. 

Why bother resting from worry? Though there is much to worry about, God says that we don’t need to fret or worry. Instead, telling God our concerns gives us peace that displaces our fear and uncertainties; an odd but real sensation.