I do not like to remember the times in my life when I’ve been wrong, hurtful or in need of someone’s forgiveness. But, when I do remember the times I’ve been forgiven, then it is easier to remember how to forgive someone else.     

Remember When?

With the recent celebration of our forty-fourth wedding anniversary, my husband and I had the occasion to reminisce with some of our friends. It was a warm evening and the six of us lounged on our back deck, recalling some of the events that make up our past as couples and as friends. 

Most of the memories brought out laughter; “Remember when we went huckleberry picking and you dumped your bucket of berries in the creek?” 

“Remember when we came across that snake on the hiking trail and you nearly jumped out of your skin?”

Other stories made me a little more somber, “Remember that time when you nearly severed your finger with the skill saw?” 

Recalling that particular incident of my husband’s on the job accident sent me back to the very beginning of our marriage when I was younger and much less empathetic.  

I’d rushed to the hospital emergency room when I’d gotten the call at work, listened to the doctor’s prognosis and then brought Luke home from the hospital the next day. 

At first, it was easy to feel sympathy, pity and mercy for him as he recovered on the couch in the living room. But after a few weeks, time seemed to drag on and it felt as though it was time for him to get back to work. But his injury took longer to heal than either of us expected.

In the meantime, things needed tending to, money ran short, and my patience waned. During one of our discussions about our less than shoestring budget, hurtful words spilled out of my mouth and all over my husband. I knew the instant those words left my mouth that they should never have left my mouth. But words spoken can never be unspoken. The damage was done. I was embarrassed and my husband was hurt.  

When hurt happened between us, our habit as a young couple was to step around the obvious offense, and hope for its quick demise. But, ignored hurts never die quick deaths. 

The longer I took to ask my husband’s forgiveness, the more the discomforting silence between us grew.

 Finally sitting down beside my husband, I asked a simple but difficult question, “Can you forgive me for my stupidity and insensitivity?” 

“Of course I can.” 

It was that quick. A few words and the tenseness between us dissipated. 

Since then, there have been many occasions for me and for him to say, “Can you forgive me?” and we’ve discovered that those few words make a way for us to continue to stay married. 

 Why bother remembering we need forgiveness? When we remember we need forgiveness it makes it easy for us to remember everyone needs forgiveness.