Regarding Dad

Whether we are an only child, one of many, wanted, adopted or abused, we are better adults if we appraise our childhoods instead of trying to forget them. 

Our childhoods shape us. During our formative years, beginning in infancy and ending when we finally fly the coop, we form certain ideas on how life “ought” to be. The way we live our lives and the why we live the way we do, is strongly influenced by how we were raised.

Our dads, and our relationship or non-relationship with them as sons and daughters definitely influences our later relationships. I speak only from personal experience as I write today about the father daughter relationship. 

Though the bond I had with my father was a short-lived span of 13 years, it was enough to infuse into my psyche what the love and acceptance of a father felt like. Until his suicide, he gave me few reasons to doubt his trustworthiness. 

I don’t know how much reading my father did about how to be a “good” father to his daughters. I don’t know if he knew how important his role was to his daughters’ future. But, a father is the first male with whom a daughter interacts. He introduces her to what she can expect from other males. 

Fathers give their daughters a sense of self-worth, hold the keys to his daughter’s femininity, and influence marital choices. 

As a child, I had no idea that my father’s life was shaping mine. But as an adult, it makes perfect sense.

Although Dad’s suicide sent a mixed message to me about what to expect from men, Dad was around long enough for me to experience the tender side of his personality, along with the authority and respectful side. 

He wasn’t around long enough to help me understand my femininity. But I do remember my oldest brother attempting to take Dad’s place by reprimanding me about my way of dressing more like a boy instead of a woman. Of course older brothers cannot take the place of a father. Eventually, I grew into appreciating and being fond of the fact that I was a woman. 

Females are usually attracted to the one who most resembles their father in some way. My husband fits that unconscious idealized mental image my father left with me; respectful, tender, understanding and manly. 

 Why Bother?

Why bother regarding Dad? Regarding dad helps us to understand the man who helped shape our lives which helps us to understand the shape of our lives. 

P.S.  I wrote the story of my journey to forgiveness for those who need clarity when it comes to understanding forgiveness. You can find A Heart’s Journey To Forgiveness at Redemption Press and Amazon.