What is the most foolish thing I do in my life? The most foolish thing I do in my life is to doubt God. Thankfully, my doubts do not cause God to love me any less. But, I lose out when I doubt. 

Be Wise

God has never given me any reasons to mistrust him and yet, sometimes I do. The distrust arises, I believe, from an old pattern of thinking originating from the trauma of my father’s suicide.

Starting out as a kid, it was easy to trust Dad. He was a big and reliable presence in my life. 

Even as the sixth of seven kids, I believe he cherished me just as much as he cherished the first born and the last born. He did not reserve his love and attention only for the eldest, the brightest or the prettiest. Rather, he loved each of us for our uniqueness. And we are each very unique. 

But, as a preteen, I began seeing another side of my dad, one that planted doubts into my head. For example, the first time I saw him drunk was the first time I thought that he might not always be able to defend me from my offenders. Seeing him inebriated showed me that he wasn’t as powerful as I’d once believed. 

Another scenario occurred when I saw Mom and Dad arguing in the hallway one morning. I concluded that Mom was the dominant one in the family, not Dad. Though his size towered over her, her words cut him down. He stood speechless, defenseless and powerless in her presence. 

Then there was the day when he told me that he was going away to a hospital to get well which resulted in the fracture of our family. Some of my siblings stayed in Durango, Colorado while Mom, my little brother and I went back to Nebraska to live with Grandma. I realized that as much as I wanted to believe in Dad’s strength, he wasn’t strong enough to keep our family intact.

Finally, there was his suicide. For me, it was the final piece of evidence that proved Dad’s love for me was not strong enough to keep him alive. And although he started out as a trustworthy father, in the end, he was not. 

But, unlike my biological father, God is completely trustworthy and his love is great and beyond all measure. 

To compare my heavenly father with my biological father, is only buffoonery. Therefore, believing, respecting and revering God is the wiser way to think. In pursuit of wisdom, I am in pursuit of knowing God. Knowing God  results in experiencing the peace and tenderheartedness he willingly gives to all of us, not just to the brightest or the prettiest.  

Why bother pursuing wisdom? Wisdom is found when we believe, respect and revere God. Such a pursuit results in peace and receiving God’s boundless love. Don’t let doubt keep you from pursuing wisdom and receiving the benefits.