What Do You Know About Unforgiveness?

Did you know that unforgiveness is subtle, yet destructive? Did you know that it affects relationships other than with the one who offended us? Did you know that unforgiveness also affects our mental and physical health?

Once upon a time, I knew nothing about either unforgiveness nor forgiveness. These concepts were completely foreign to me, when as an adolescent, my father ended his life by suicide. 

In order to forgive someone, we first have to name the offense and the offender. But, as an adolescent, I could not identify my father as my offender. Even though I felt the effects of his  suicide emotionally, spiritually and mentally, having been raised to honor my father, finding fault with him seemed ludicrous, dishonoring, and inappropriate. 

Even though I could not admit the anger I felt toward my dad, my grandmother recognized it. I credit my grandma for planting the seed of forgiving  my father. 

Grandma Weber was the only one with whom I could talk to openly about Dad’s suicide. Mom went mute and so did all my siblings. Not only did my father leave me by way of his death, but my family and its close ties were severed by the silence that descended over our family because of the shame that accompanies suicide. 

But not so with Grandma. Having lived with her for six months prior to Dad’s death, I got to know Grandma pretty well. She was easy for me to talk to because she listened to what I said, and cared about how I felt. 

After Dad’s death, Mom bought a house where the youngest siblings in the family, me included, finished growing up. It was during this time that I’d ride my bike over to Grandma’s house. 

While sitting on her front porch swing I knew I had the freedom to ask questions and voice my feelings. Grandma could not answer my most often asked question, “Why did he do it?” But she did say, “Someday Terese, you will need to forgive your dad for all the pain he’s caused.” 

It would be almost thirty years later that I’d make sense of her words; acknowledging that Dad had harmed me with his death, owning up to my anger towards him and the rest of the world and finally forgiving him. 

Why Bother?

Why bother knowing what you know about unforgiveness? The more we know about unforgiveness and how it wreaks havoc in our lives, the more we will want to choose to forgive.

P.S.  I wrote the story of my journey to forgiveness for those who, like me, know they need to change, but are not quite sure where to start. You can find A Heart’s Journey To Forgiveness at Redemption Press and Amazon.