Envy is dangerous. It is sly, subtle and silent. It creeps into our lives and when we discover it, we may be embarrassed that we’ve allowed ourselves to feel the way we do. But until we recognize our hostility, resentfulness and antagonism toward someone else, we are unable to exterminate envy. 

      Set it Aside

Relationships can be cumbersome. Sometimes we just don’t know how we are supposed to feel or act. It is a wonder that my friendships have survived and thrived through some of the tricky and difficult seasons we’ve weathered. 

For example, when I was nine months pregnant with our third child, an ultrasound confirmed that my baby was dead. With grief and sadness, I still had to go through labor.

 When friends and family heard our sad news, many came to the hospital to pray for my husband and me. There were a few who sat with me in the midst of my agonizing labor. One such friend was five months pregnant. 

In the hours of my labor, the thought; “Her baby has a heartbeat, mine does not,” came across my mind. I had no idea that thought stuck. But it did. 

A few months later, when she went into labor, I wanted it all to go well for her, yet, when I heard that it had, I wondered; why is she more deserving than me of having a healthy baby? 

I hated myself for that thought. But my self hate does nothing to eradicate the unhealthy ideas we sometimes hatch. 

Envy is dangerous. Did I know that? Yes, of course I knew it. But I excluded myself from admitting that I felt envious of my friend. I was too ashamed to acknowledge such awfulness about myself.  It seemed easier to admit that I was a little jealous, a little miffed, somewhat discontented with the fact that I had buried a child while she’d successfully birthed  hers. 

I’d called my friend a few times, left some meals on her front porch and sent a gift. But I didn’t know how to close the gap that my envy created between us. 

Finally, it was the feeling of loneliness that spurred me toward uncovering my envy. Once it was exposed, I knew setting it down was the thing to do. If I wanted my relationship with my friend, which I did, envy would have to be excluded. 

My friend had delivered her child at the end of October. It wasn’t until Thanksgiving that I was able to ask her if I could hold her baby. Without the presence of envy, I could finally share in my friend’s joy; the birth of her baby. 

Why bother to exterminate envy? Envy leads to all kinds of losses; friendships, contentment, and joy. But when we set our envy aside, we regain those losses.