A woman once said to me that it is hard for her to make friends, especially the older she gets. Her statement caused me to consider my friendships. Some of them began with a bang and then fizzled out all together, while others wobbled with uncertainty at the start, but then solidified and deepened over the decades. 

    Differences and Similarities

I’m fortunate. There are women who have known me for more than twenty years and have proven to be my best allies in times of difficulty. 

For instance, years ago, after laboring and delivering a full term but still born baby, I woke up to one of my friends sitting in the chair beside my hospital bed. Seeing her, I felt a wave of relief. 

Though my husband had been by my side from the start, once our baby was delivered the reality of our sorrow settled into our bones, and he had to leave my side. Neither one of us could help shoulder the other’s sorrow. Our own was so heavy. 

But here was my friend, holding out a cup of strong black coffee, for me, her face open and ready to hear the details, her shoulders broad enough to help me bear the unbearable. 

Her presence told me that no matter how long it took for me to find my way through the grief, she was there for me. And she was. 

I have another friend, who unlike me, is spontaneous and adventurous. Back in the day when we were raising our children, she’d come by my house, scoop up my kids and I for “field trips.” Petting zoos, bakeries, art galleries, and hikes; one never knew where she was taking us until we clambered into her car and buckled our seat belts. 

Since our kids are now grown and gone and we are no longer responsible for them, she is showing me the possibilities we have of cross country trips together. With our long history I know I trust her for bigger and broader adventures. 

My girlfriends and I have been there for each other. We’ve supported each other through difficult marriages, aging parents, rebellious teens, seasonal singleness, and personal illnesses. We share similar values; respect, integrity, dignity, faith and truthfulness. We listen with civility to each other’s ideas, hopes, fears and point of views without criticizing, cutting or condemning comments. And when we need it, we are the voice of reason to each other. 

Why bother being grateful for friends? Those friends of mine, they know me the best,  and remind me how I can be the best through each season of life.