Learning from Marriage

Though I’ve learned a lot by being my husband’s wife, I did not want this blog to be solely from the female point of view. So, this morning, I asked my husband to share his perspective on what he’s learned from our marriage so that I could share both perspectives.  

The first thing Luke, my husband, told me is how he’s learned to communicate with a woman without being defensive. He went on to say that in a marriage relationship, a lot of women want to change their husbands to some ideal, which causes a man to take a defensive stance. 

His statement reminded me of my early years as his wife. 

On the subconscious level, I wanted him to be more like me. I wanted him to speak his mind. I even wanted him to argue with me. Instead, he’s learned something better: to communicate with clarity without avoiding, hedging, or being on guard.  

The second thing he said he’s learned from our marriage is how to love and to be loved. 

Me too.

Over the span of almost five decades together, we’ve established a pattern of trust. From our mutual trust, loving and being loved abounds.  

The third thing he spoke about was how we’ve both learned to be content with each other. He clarified that being content does not mean giving up. Rather, it means allowing each other lots of time and space to think things over and come to our own conclusions. 

Early on in our marriage, I vividly remember being discontent with my husband and considering the option of divorce. He remembered that as well.

 But instead of leaving, I chose to stay. For me, it was the choice to be content with my husband. It was the difference between not sharing our future together and sharing our future together.

Why Bother?

Why bother learning from marriage? A friend once told me that marriage forces us to grow up. Yet, even after forty-six years of being united as husband and wife, we both keep growing, which keeps us learning.