Freedom to Choose

As a child, my parents introduced me to the foundational principles of their religious beliefs. As an infant I was baptized, made my First Confession and First Communion and was confirmed into the Catholic Church by the time I was thirteen. 

I didn’t question my parent’s beliefs. Why would I? I trusted them as any kid would.

But just as suddenly when Dad ended his life by suicide, everything I’d been taught about God now seemed too unlikely to be true. 

Though I did not have an expression for what I experienced back then as a young teen, I now see that it was a crisis of faith. 

My system of belief, inherited from my parents, was no longer useful. It didn’t support my doubts, nor did it answer my questions.  

If God was so good and powerful, then why would he allow such a horrid and painful thing to occur? Dad’s life had displayed faith in God. Yet God had not been there for Dad or for  me. 

Too much for me to try and sort through on my own, I gave up what little faith I’d once possessed. Then, I assumed that because I no longer thought about God, God would no longer think about me either. 

But, as powerful as I thought I was, God did not vanish from existence just because he didn’t perform as I thought he should. 

I grew up and went out into the world determined to make a happy life for myself. But, instead, I came to another crisis of faith. 

My life was not going according to plan. I was not experiencing the success I’d imagined after graduating from college. I was pounding the pavement looking for work and it wasn’t paying off. 

I felt despair, defeat and desperate. Success was out of my reach. At the age of twenty-two, I’d done all I could do and still it wasn’t enough. 

Was this how Dad had felt too? 

I pondered the option of following in his footsteps. Ending my life presented itself as a solution to feeling wretched. It could have been easy. But a voice that I attribute to the voice of God, stopped me. 

The words were so clear, “You could choose life,” that I looked around to see who was there. 

It was an easy offer to choose life instead of death. That simple choice changed everything for me. From that moment on, faith became mine. 

Why Bother?

Why bother thinking about our freedom to choose? I believe God wants a personal relationship with all of us. He invites us to choose life by faith and then live that life by faith.

When we do, everything changes.